Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
