considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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