I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
