He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
