I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
