I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
