I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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