Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
