A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
