You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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