So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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