some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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