Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
