that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
