No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
