I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
