So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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