Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
