the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize