Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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