she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
