he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love having hate sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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