I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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