Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize