Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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