and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
