in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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