I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
