I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
