no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
