How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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