Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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