I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
