I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
