You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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