hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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