is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize