all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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