Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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