I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
