And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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