how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
