Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
