apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
