remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
