Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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