after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
