I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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