i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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