Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
