I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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