And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
