playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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