We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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