walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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