btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
