Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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