is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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