To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
