but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
where are my eyebrows?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
