I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
