oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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