Dual....:-)
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
