Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
