The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize