textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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