Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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