every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
