i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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