i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
