This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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