gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
