i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
