I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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